Let's call it what it is: we've become overly obsessed with productivity. Do the things, do more, do it all. In an effort to move away from just being "busy" we've now swung the pendulum over to the other side, focusing on always needing to produce. Especially in motherhood, many of us equate our worth with how many checkmarks we see on a list at the end of the day.
You are a worthy person outside of what you accomplish each day and it's time to find freedom from our productivity-obsessed culture.
Here’s what you’ll hear in this episode:
Why we’ve become so obsessed with productivity (and where that comes from)
Why being prioritized is more important than being productive
How to rest more while still getting ‘ish done!
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EPISODE 282 TRANSCRIPT
Hello there. Welcome to the mother, like a boss podcast. Welcome back to the mother, like a boss podcast, especially if you've listened before. If it's your first time, then I'm very excited to have you. I'm Kendra Hennessy, the host here, we got another good episode. Another deep one, a funny story. I've now recorded this part of the podcast.
Like I started recording this podcast three times. This is the third time. And, uh, the two other times I was either interrupted, forgot to turn my phone off. Or there was some like loud sound outside. So I'm really hoping I don't have to do that again because that's really annoying. Luckily only got. 15 to 20 seconds in, uh, if it's any further in, I don't, I don't stop.
I'll just edit it out. If I have to. That's where I'm at today. It's one of those days friends. Uh, today's episode is one of those real good ones that I'm excited to record because I think we all need to hear this. I know that I have to, I have to hear it on a regular basis, which is why I'm talking about it.
Because that old quote that you, you teach, what you most need to learn is not just a, it's not just a quote. It's not just a cute saying. It really is true. Uh, and I'm very clear. The fact that I don't really teach anything or talk about anything, uh, that I haven't specifically dealt with or worked through.
And the reason for that is because I don't want to ever come off as some kind of expert on things that I've never been through. I would rather bring you people who know what they're talking about or send you to other resources, which is what I do. Uh, but this is something I have struggled a lot with, and that is this productivity, obsessed culture that we have.
So this is all about finding freedom from that slowly but surely. I want to say now I have it in my notes, just say at the end, but I feel like I need to say it now. All of this is a practice. I am not telling you that you're going to listen to this episode, you know, 15, 20 minutes of an episode, and immediately have your entire life changed where you don't fall into these traps anymore.
We really, that that is a whole other subject in and of itself. We really have to get past this need for instant gratification all the time. This new. For things to change in a snap. We didn't get to this point overnight and we're not going to change it overnight. And one of the greatest joys that we can find is in the process, but we are just so obsessed, not only with productivity, but with instant gratification and that if it's not going to change right now, then it's not worth doing, uh, this isn't going to change.
There is a lot to work through for some, there may be some, some deeply rooted. Struggles that happens throughout life. There may be like the roots may be really deep and really strong with this. They may not be for some people. Um, but for some, it may take some time and some more work and, uh, some, I dunno, deeper mindset, help and resources.
Okay. So I'm going to have all of that for you. I'm going to talk about that later, too. Let's talk a little bit about this idea of a productivity, obsessed culture. I realized I don't really know when it happened. I mean, I've only been on this planet for 37 years in this body. If it was here in another body, I don't remember it right now, but I've only been on this plane for 37 years.
And so I don't know if it started before that. I can only speak to what I've seen in my own life. And I know that definitely in the internet age, as the internet started to become. More of a thing. And then. Very much. So when social media started, we saw this like obsession with hacks. So this obsession with again, instant gratification, because all of a sudden we had information at our finger tips.
You had a video, a blog, uh, you had, then you had, you know, Facebook groups, you had information literally at your fingertips. Within moments, then enter this the age of quick videos. You know, things like Instagram stories and Facebook lives and Periscope back when that was the thing. I mean, you, if you go through the last 20 to 25 years, we just have slowly, but surely created a world where we can get information fast.
Now that's fantastic. I love the age that we live in now. I think it's wonderful. Um, I think that it brings people together. The internet does not have to be this deep, dark place that we all talk about. I think it's, it has its most amazing qualities, but what it has also done then is because information is so readily available and hacks and tips and all of those things are so easily available.
It's made people believe. More so than ever, this was the thing 20, 30, 40, 50 years ago. I'm sure. But it's made us believe more so than ever. That our entire livelihood, our worth our value comes from just getting more stuff done. Just hacking life hacks, baby, like Derek, like Darryl says in the office, right.
When he's reading the, getting things done book, it's all about like life hacks and getting more done. And so I don't know if that's where it's. I think that it's just exacerbated over time. I know I am sure that many years ago that was the case too. But if you look back, I'm going to kind of take us back like years, decades, centuries, even when we think of stuff that we do like day to day, and I'm going to say something like laundry, I'm just going to use laundry as an example, because I've used this before.
Laundry is about a thousand times easier, you know, give or take than it was. 300 years ago, you know, it is so much easier. We have machines that do the work for us. If you have wash washing machines and dryers, I realize not everyone does. I am talking about if you have machines that are able to do it or have access to machines like a laundry.
And things like that. So there are even levels to that. There are levels to how easy it is for some people as I'm recording this. My washer and dryer is about, I'm really bad at estimating things like this, but I don't know, 10 feet away, 12 feet away. It's in the room next to this where I'm recording this in my office.
Yes. Really at any given moment, I can just go use my washer and dryer. I have access to water and electricity and all the things. Uh, back when I was 22, when Adam and I were living together, not married, uh, before we had kids, we lived in a place. We didn't have a washer and dryer. We had a hookup, not a washer and dryer.
We used the laundry mat, but we still had access to machines. I still had to walk it over there or drive it there. But we had access. There are people in this world who do not have access to that. But if you do, I want you to think about how often we complain about doing laundry. Oh my God. It's just so much work.
And by people complaining, I mean me. Okay, because I've done this. Oh my gosh. There's just so much. I have to bring it all the way downstairs. I have to put it in the washer and then I have to like put it in the dryer and then I have to put the clothes away. What are you asking of me? This is so much work.
Okay. But it's not because all we have to do is put it in the washer and in the dryer and then put it on. Which has minimal work compared to what you would have had to do a couple hundred years ago, where you at, or in some parts of the world they're having to do now, which is actually hand washing your clothes line, drying them actually do know people that still line dried their clothes and really enjoy it.
But even just the physical act of washing things. The fact that for most of us, we don't make our clothes. Or the majority of our clothes, you know, again, I'm speaking in majority here, I realized there are people who still make their clothes. I realized there are still people who enjoy that or who have to do that.
I'm talking on the masses, you know, I'm not making, I didn't make the shirt that I'm wearing. I'm not, I didn't make this, these pants that I'm wearing or my underwear or anything like that. I didn't make those. So that cuts out a whole bunch of stuff that I didn't have to do where I am going with. This is that.
Because it's the, the irony and con and conundrum, I will say it's kind of both, is that because it takes me less time to do that kind of stuff that it never took me before. We've now become more obsessed with filling that extra time. So now it only takes me a few minutes to kind of throw stuff in the washer.
So what we do is go well, I, it only takes me a few minutes to throw stuff in the washer. I still complain about it. That's a whole separate story right there. You know, still complain about it, but it only takes me a few minutes. So now what would have taken me an hour to physically wash my clothes by hand or more now only took me what, five minutes to walk it downstairs and put it in if that maybe two to three minutes to do it.
So now I have that I have more time. And what has happened over time is that the tasks that we have done have become. An easier and easier and easier because of technology. And now we're able to get so much more done in less time that we've actually become obsessed with getting more done in less time.
That we've, we really become as a culture. We have become obsessed with productivity hacks, you know, save time, get more done, be more efficient, you know, then add into. The fact that this that's one part of it, then you add into the fact that we have a very industrialized culture. I'm speaking about the U S uh, for the most part, because that's where I live.
I can't speak on other countries. We are also very industrialized and we have a very nine to five mentality. Even with, with school, with work, you know, and we have a, uh, a very, um, conveyor belt way of doing life. Uh, sorry, not sorry if you don't agree with this, um, we have very, about right. You're born. You go to, can you go to preschool now?
Now you go to preschool and you learn all the stuff that 20 years ago or 30 years ago you learned in kindergarten or first grade now you learning in preschool and by the time you're in kindergarten, you're already. Uh, met with the rigor of kindergarten and fast tracking you for college, you have barely learned to use the bathroom by yourself and you sometimes can't tie your shoes, but we're already thinking about you going to college.
And so you go through school and everything is about getting good grades and never missing school and having perfect attendance and all of those things. And then you end up now you need to go to college because now we have decided as a culture that you have to go to college, you have to, there's no other option.
You have to do it. If you're not going to college, what are you going to do with your life? And then you go to college, then you get out of college. You might have a bunch of debt who knows what your situation is. Then you get out and you get a job and you work at that job till you retire, and then you die.
It's a very industrialized way of looking like a conveyor belt. And that I am also not saying that that is bad, good, right or wrong. I don't use those words, but that's sort of where we are. And we have become very obsessed with working with doing work. Everybody needs to be working. You need to be working all the time.
And now with the advent of the internet, Now people that normally would just clock out at five o'clock don't clock out because they go home and they have a laptop or a phone or a tablet, and they can be, they can be reached and gotten into and be doing work. And isn't that great. We can get even more out of our workers.
And so we have slowly but surely created this world for ourselves. Where we are so obsessed with productivity and we attach our worth to our level of productivity. We attach our worthiness as human beings to our productivity. Now we're going to add another layer into it because we're talking to moms here.
This is the mother, like a boss podcast in motherhood. This has become even greater. And I am sure this was happening many years ago, by the way, I've only been a mom for almost 15 years. So I can't speak to before that, but I know that. There were times and there still are that as a mom, I feel like it is my job and my duty to constantly be productive at home.
Always be doing something there's always something to do. And part of that comes from, um, my. Overachiever good girl in school needed to get things done. My worst fate in the world would be considered lazy, being considered lazy, all that stuff. Right. That's one part of it. Um, and that, that played a huge role in my, uh, growing up and then in B you know, becoming a mom.
Um, and then the other part is also like never wanting other people to see. As lazy. I know I kind of mentioned that, but that was more in school. But then now as an adult, it's like, I don't ever want anyone to, to perceive that I'm leaving. And then I'm not actually getting enough stuff done and that I'm not productive because what does that say about me?
What does it say about me as a person? Uh, another small piece to this too, is that if you ever worked in a restaurant or even a retailer, Probably this way. It's like, if you have time to lean, you have time to clean, meaning that if you have time to like rest, you have time to clean something, which I totally get.
You know, I understand I worked in restaurants. It was like, Hey, we have some downtime. You know, what we could do is like clean up a little bit since we just had a rush so that we're prepared for the next rush. But what it does is sort of inundate this feeling that I'm never allowed to sit down. Cause there's another enough, there's another thing to clean.
Yeah. You know, you can't let me know right now because they're listening to this. But if you have Instagram, come follow me at mother like a boss. And let me know how much this resonates you. This feeling of, if I sit down, then I'm not doing something and I should always be doing something. What this has actually done is it's actually caused us to be less productive because we're not actually productive.
We're busy. We're just busying our lives up and being busy is very different than being productive. Busy is just having a lot of stuff too. The true meaning of, of productivity is producing something. And it's why I now look at everything through the filter of is this prioritized productivity is what I am producing an actual priority to me, to my family, to my work, to my overall mission and values.
If it's not, then it's just busy work. If it's not prioritized, it's not productive. And that's been life changing for me, that idea of prioritized productivity and years ago, I started doing this when I had my cleaning business. Um, when I felt like I was falling into that need for life hacks all the time.
And I just realized like a lot of the stuff that I care about getting done, it's not a priority to me right now. And then when I started mother like a boss, I really wanted to have. Other moms understand that your entire worth in this world is not based on how many check boxes you tick off every single day, that is not your, your worth.
And this is where we're going to talk about the practice of this, because this takes time. And even you saying, even you hearing me say that may trigger you right now because you may be thinking, but my worth is attached to that because that's how I. Because that's how I've been made to feel, because that's how my ego has made me feel.
All right. I want us to ask ourselves three questions here to start down this journey. Okay. Where am I attaching my worth to my productivity? Get really clear about this. It may not be in every area of your life. It may only be in certain areas. It may be as a mom, you know, we're I find that this happens.
Uh, is with stay-at-home moms because they'll tell me, but my entire job is my home. Like, that's my job. I'm supposed to be doing all of this. I'm supposed to be getting everything done. I'm supposed to know how to do it all. Uh, which isn't true and is made up rule. Nobody actually made up that rule. We made that up for ourselves.
And so what happens is they attach their worth to getting things done at home, to being the best, stay at home mom. That's where they attach their worth to their productivity. You know, I am worthy as a human. If I check off all my boxes, I am not worthy. I am not worthy of love. I'm not worthy of value. I'm not worthy of respect or appreciation.
Um, I'm not worthy of rest. I'm not worthy of self-care or self-love, unless I am productive. Number two is, can I link this back to anything? Can I start to go back and see where this might've started? I know for me, it was in school, you know, I'm not blaming school, this isn't about blame. This isn't about judgment or anything.
This is just about recognizing it's like, where did this kind of start for me? Because if we can see where it started, then we can start to realize like, oh, it's not actually true. It was just something that was inundated into me without people even realizing. You know, I, I liked the affirmation of doing a good job and getting things done.
And I also was just surrounded by hardworking people my whole life. And for a lot of that time, I just assumed like you're supposed to be working hard all the time. That's what you're supposed to do, you know? And one of my biggest money blocks for a while when I started this business, I've worked through it.
Luckily it's not a huge block for me anymore. Is, you have to work hard to make money. If you're not working hard, you don't really deserve to be making money. You know, it's not fair that you can make money while you're sleeping. Like it's not fair, Kendra that you can like make money. You can wake up in the morning and someone will have bought your course.
That's not fair. Um, and so a big part of that went back to that productivity, that worth, if I'm not working at that moment, that I'm not really worthy of that. So where can we link back to it? And then what would it look like? And most importantly, feel. To let go of that attachment, giving yourself the permission to ask, what would it feel like to let go is one of the greatest joyous and one of the greatest gifts you can give yourself.
And it's something we don't ask ourselves nearly enough because we, we truly just don't think about what it would feel like to let go of things. So really dig in. What would it feel like to let go of that attachment? Okay. In this moment. Like in, in the, not in this moment, in the moment when I'm going through all of this and I'm starting to think, like, I am attaching my worth to my productivity.
One of the things that I say is “the most productive thing for me to do right now is…” because what it does is it that the two words right now help me become prioritized. What is the most productive? What is the most producing thing? What could I produce right now? That is the best for me in this moment.
And sometimes the answer to that is laundry. Sometimes the answer to that is writing an email to my list. Sometimes the answer to that is sitting down on the couch. Sometimes the answer to that is meditation. What is the thing that is going to produce the most for me right now? Because you get to choose what that is and you also get to choose what productivity looks like to you.
We do not have to let society dictate what productivity looks like. You get to determine that. And as I said, this takes practice. It isn't going to change with one day or one affirmation or one of these questions. This is taking time. But the purpose of this episode is released for you to recognize it because most of us don't, most of us do not recognize where this comes from or that we are living a life where we are so hyper focused on being productive.
That we have lost our productivity in that we have lost our ability to get more done. I will say with 1000%, I know that's not accurate with math. I get told that a lot. There's only a hundred percent. Thanks. I know I majored in math. I get it. It's a hyperbole. I can say with 1000% certainty that I am more productive.
As a business owner, a mom, a human being. When I rest, when I give now that I give myself, give myself permission to rest more without guilt or shame or blame or judgment, I am actually far more proud of. I am also more productive now that I prioritize what is important to me, that everything filters through priorities, because if it's not prioritized at all, if it's not a priority and it's not that important, and it doesn't align with my values or my bigger goals or mission, then it's just busy work and it's just busy.
It's just, I'm just doing stuff to be busy so that I can post on Facebook about how busy I was today. So I can post on Instagram, how busy I was. So I can talk about how I can't ever take care of myself, because I'm just so busy all the time. That w where also, this is just a thing I didn't even write down that just came to me.
Where am I looking for? Affirmation? Where am I looking for someone to validate me? Where am I looking for validation through being busy? How am I utilizing? Where you really not utilizing using, how am I using busy-ness as a way to get validation from others that I'm worthy, who I'm going to journal on that when we're done.
Cause that just came to me in this moment. I'm going to journal on that. Where am I using being busy? I'm going to use busy, not productive. Productivity truly is all about you and your priorities. We're talking about busy-ness uh, where am I using that business to gain validation from others? Am I talking about it online?
Am I talking to others about how busy I am all the time? Do I mention to every person that I meet? How exhausted I am? Because I just have so much going on. Am I looking for validation from them validation that I'm a good person. That I'm a good mom because I'm exhausted. We, I mean, I can't even get started on this.
About how we have used overwhelm and exhaustion as a way to validate ourselves as mothers. Because if you're not exhausted, it means you're not caring for your kids. Then. Whew. That's a big one, too big one. Also exhaustion happens in motherhood anyway, because it's exhausting, but we are, we're also weaponizing it against ourselves and others that if they're not exhausted and overwhelmed, they must be doing something wrong.
Cause it's like a badge of honor to be exhausted. Nat plays into this. Oh, so many good things to think about when we are done with this. And that just came to me. So I am, I'm going to do the work and journal on that afterward. Like where am I using that as validation, um, start building in these habits that puts your emotional, your mental and physical health above your ego's need to be seen as productive or busy.
And remember that rest has produced. Now a lot of this is mindset related and it's all about recognition and being more mindful of ourselves and working through these things. And I know that for many of you, you want to dive deeper and get even more help on this. So my course mindful as a mother is open right now, you can go check it out@motherlikeaboss.com forward slash mindful.
Uh, we'll link that up in the show notes as well. You can come in and join, check it out, go to that, that mother, like a boss.com forward slash mindful, check it out and see if it is for you. Um, this is practical and actionable mindset support without toxic positivity. So you're never going to hear from me, like, just think positive.
That is not what this program is about. It is about digging deeper. It is about recognizing there is no judgment, no shame. We're actually working through those things in the, in the course. Um, and it's something that, um, there, the lessons are very simple for you to, to listen to. And like I said, it's actionable, so it's not fluff.
It's not just let me just talk about stuff. You go off and just like, think more positively, there are action steps for every lesson that are gonna help you, um, walk through this journey with yourself and make it a practice because mindfulness is a practice and it is all about, um, it's all about recognition.
Okay. It's all about recognizing what thoughts are going to support you and what thoughts are going to support you. And being okay with saying, you know, what these thoughts and beliefs and mindsets that I have, they're just not serving me anymore. And I'm allowed to let them. That's all it's about. So you can check it out.
Like I said, motherlikeaboss.com/mindful
We would love to see you inside. It's one of my absolute favorite courses and I can't wait to see it in there. Thank you so much for listening. I hope you got a lot of value out of this and if you did, please. And rating or review, we would love those.
Um, those five star ratings just helped so much so that we can, um, get found by other mamas out there. Keep sharing these episodes. I love seeing them on Instagram. You can tag me at mother like a boss, share them out it again. It's how we reach more listeners. And the more listeners that we reach, the more lives get changed.
And that is what we need. Moms need the support more than ever. Um, so let's keep building this community so that we can provide one another with the support and encouragement that we all need and deserve. All right. You are worthy no matter what you get done today, friend, I just need you to remember that.
Thank you so much for listening. I appreciate you now go forth and mother like a boss.
