Let’s be Insta-friends. Follow me over on Instagram for encouraging mom posts and stories that don’t take themselves too seriously.

Let’s play... . If my life were a book title. I’ll go first. . “I’ll bring it upstairs the next time I go up and other lies we tell ourselves” . . or maybe “Where have all the Tupperware lids gone? A journey into the mysterious world of lids, socks and bobby pins” . . or perhaps “It’s WRITTEN on the calendar: A Memoir” . . Alright, now pitch me your works of literature.
35 years ago (and some change) my parents named me Kendra. For 23 years, I was just Kendra. That was my name. That's what I was called. . . Then, at 23, I became a mom and suddenly, I wasn't Kendra anymore. I was mama. Or mommy. Or mom. Day in and day out, "mom" started to stick and I heard Kendra less and less. . . I love who I am when I'm mom. I'm loving and nurturing. I'm compassionate and fun. I'm adoring and giving. . . But mom is just a title. My name is Kendra and Kendra is pretty amazing, too. Kendra was a person before she became a mom and will be a person when her kids are grown. . . Kendra loves Breaking Bad and The Office. Kendra is a huge Howard Stern fan. Kendra loves getting massages. Kendra can rap DMX like it's her job. Kendra loves a low-key girls night that involves cheeseburgers and beer. . . Yesterday, I got my hair done, an every 3 week ritual for me and what pains my heart is the amount of people who ask me, "Wow. You make time for yourself that often?" like wearing the title of mom somehow strips you of your individual personality and ability to take care of your own basic needs and desires. . . I won't lose Kendra to the title of mom. I adore being a mother. My kids are my heart and soul, but who I am and who I was before I became a mom is just as important. . . YOU are important. The you that you were before becoming a mom is important. The you that you will be when your children grow up and leave the house is important. . . You deserve to hear your real name said every day. I'm Kendra that's also a mom, not a mom that's also Kendra. Staying true to my me-ness is what MAKES me a great mom. . . It's poetic that in this photo, you can see the reflection of my hand taking this selfie. Our true reflections of who we really are shouldn't fade when we have children. Let your reflection show. Say your own name out loud. . . My name is Kendra. It's nice to meet you. What's yours? #motherlikeaboss
"Why bother cleaning. My family just comes along and makes it messy again." . Do you know how often I hear this statement? It's like the motto for The "Unless it's perfect, I ain't doing it." Club. . With this logic, why bother doing anything? . Why bother showering? You'll just get dirty again. . Why bother eating? You'll just get hungry again. . Why not just give the people we love one hug or one kiss. . You should just cut your hair once. . Paint your nails once. . Travel to your favorite coffee shop once. . Put gas in your car once. . I have some hard news for you: It is NEVER going to be done. It is done in the moment, but it will never stay that way. And why oh why would you want it to? . Our greatest problem is that we believe we shouldn't have any, and the greatest myth we tell ourselves about cleaning is that it should get done and stay done for some arbitrary amount of time we've decided in our head. . I can already hear the rebuttal. "I just want it to stay clean longer than 5 seconds. I mean, I just cleaned this counter and now there are crumbs all over it." . So what would the amount of time be that is acceptable? An hour? Two? A day? 3 minutes? Don't you shower and then put makeup on, basically undoing what you just did? Can't you show your children (and make it a NON-NEGOTIABLE) how to clean up the crumbs after they make a sandwich? . Instead of grasping for doneness and an irrational belief in perfectionism, why not grasp for the joy attached to that? It's done for now. It's done right now. It feels good for it to be done. It will feel good when we do it again. . Cleaning isn't the enemy. You're attachment to perfectionism and doneness is. #motherlikeaboss
This is the start of my shame spiral . . They say a picture says a thousand words, but here, a picture hides a thousand lies. . . It was moments after giving birth to my son (he's all cozy up on my chest covered in blankets) We all look exhausted, but ecstatic, they way you should look after welcoming a new member into the world and family. . ❌The truth about this photo is that it's only one of three I could find from the first 3 months of my son's life that I'm in. ❌The truth about this photo is that 36 hours later, I had the biggest and most guilt-ridden break down of my life. ❌The truth about this photo is that in the days after it was taken, I was convinced that having another baby was the worst mistake I had ever made. . . Saying that out loud is a recipe for judgment, because we live in a sanctimommy world, where moms feel compelled to give their opinions by hiding behind the anonymity of a computer. But the truth is, judgment of others will never compare to the judgment, shame and guilt I piled onto myself every day. . . I'd like to say that it was all postpartum related, but 6 years of hindsight and honesty has revealed that it wasn't. Sure, the anxiety and hormones were at their height and yes, having a baby wreaked havoc on my emotions, but the birth of my son wasn't the first straw of many that broke the camel's back, it was the last. . . I had been in a perfectionism loop for years without realizing it. For 6 years, I had been trying to fake it till I make it instead of believing it until I achieved it. On the outside, I looked like I had my ish together, but on the inside, I was a worried-filled, self-doubting, blame-everyone-else mess and the worst part was, I actually JUDGED other people who openly acted the same. Talk about holding up a mirror to my own garbage. . . CONTINUED IN THE COMMENTS 👇🏼
Making your home isn't just a series of checkboxes on a list. . Making your home isn't about duty or burden. . Making your home isn't something you have to do on your own. . Making your home isn't outdated. . Making your home doesn't go out of style. . Making your home isn't a step back for women. . Homemaking isn't about what you do, it's about what you create. . . It's time to stop pretending that homemaking doesn't matter because as the successful CEO of my own company and all around booty kicking woman, cultivating a peaceful home community is arguably the only thing that matters to me. . What can you stop doing today and instead start creating?
I love haters. . . Haters aren't really haters. They are victims. They are judges. They are complainers. They are wishers. . . We're all dealing with more mommy judgement than ever before thanks to the social media universe we live in. We're surrounded by the unsolicited opinions from people who aren't in any way invested in our successes or failures. We're told we're wrong, while they are right. And vice versa, WE think we're right and THEY are wrong. . . Judgement is a two way street and if we're going to shut down the culture of sanctimommy-ing going on, we have to admit to ourselves how judgmental we've been of others and ourselves. Judgment feels good. It's feels righteous. It feels productive. If someone else is wrong, it means we get to be right. That FEELS good. . . The judgment from others may come to me in the form of a comment on a free class I have, but it may come to you via text or email, or a passive aggressive comment from Aunt Sally at Thanksgiving dinner. "Wow. You hired a house cleaner. Good for you. In my day, we didn't need help to run OUR homes..." . . Those comments, those texts, those sometimes mild, sometimes downright hateful things people think or say about you have nothing to do with you. They are a reflection of the hater. . . Because your life is bumping up against their own beliefs. Your decision to homeschool is reminding that mom that she wished she could spend more time with her kids. Your house cleaner is a reminder to Aunt Sally that she spent years of her life exhausted trying to do it all herself. Your resolve to go back to work is making your friend feel guilty because she feels stuck in the life she currently has. . . Haters aren't hating on us, they’re hating on themselves through us. And even if they don't like what we're doing or how we're doing it, the need to openly judge says more about the judger than the judg-ee. . . Today's episode of the Mother Like a Boss™ podcast is an honest and open conversation about mommy judgement because it's time we faced this head on and finally lay down our weapons in this pointless war on motherhood.
Moms need more than grace during the hard times. . . Everywhere I turn, we're telling moms that all they need to do is give themselves grace during the hard times. When things are a mess, just give yourself some grace and all will be well. As if providing mercy will somehow fix the underlying issue. . . Ya know the word I hear the most from my audience? Drowning. Moms feel like they are literally being pulled under the water, and they can't breathe. If you saw someone drowning, what would you do? Would you stand on a boat nearby and say, "Girl, it's fine. We all go through it. Just keep kicking. This is just the way things are in the water. It can't be helped. I've been there. Just give yourself grace and you'll be fine." . . No. You wouldn't. You'd paddle over to her, help her in, throw her a life raft or at the very least, find someone else that could help her. . . Grace won't save you when you're drowning. Grace is what we need after we're pulled up from the water, shaken and out of breath, feeling like a failure. Grace is what we need when we see other moms around us paddling along while we silently judge ourselves for those times we barely kept our heads above water. Grace is what we need to extend to ourselves while we're learning to change and navigating the exhaustion, the disempowerment, the loneliness. . . But the real power comes in learning to swim. When you finally realize that there is no shame in asking for help, you'll take it one day at a time, one stroke at a time until your Michael Phelps-ing this beast. . . Those that make their living off disempowering mothers make me sad. You don't have to drown. You don't have to be pulled under every day. There is a better way. Give yourself the grace of knowing you're allowed to learn a better way so that you don't have to spend everyday feeling like grace is your only way out.
Oh right, like you don’t read your favorite book while standing in a perfectly clean kitchen smiling candidly after having your makeup and hair done trying to look completely normal and natural. 📸 & 💄 by @by_shanglam 📖 by @jensincero
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